GT: So, self, you've been home longer than you were in Germany. How does that make you feel?
JC: Wow. You sound a little bit like a therapist. Now that I think about it, it's a little insane.
GT: How so?
JC: Well, it certainly doesn't feel like five months. Sometimes it feel longer, and sometimes it feels shorter.
GT: How have these five plus months been for you?
JC: They've been hard. [At this moment, the author looks at the ceiling. She seems to be thinking of her response, and I notice she's a little misty eyed.] It really hasn't been a matter of readjusting to American culture or anything. God really broke me in Germany, and I knew I'd have some tough things to face once I got home. I just didn't realize they'd be this hard.
GT: Care to elaborate?
JC: I guess. I've royally screwed up some things in my life. I know that I am not alone in my mistakes. I feel alone, though. I've made some pretty bad judgment calls when it comes to school and finances.
GT: What happened?
JC: I won't go into any detail just yet, but I've let an overriding sense of failure and fear of failure rule my life. Occasionally, I'd let hope in, but failure seemed to stamp it out fairly quickly. Last week was probably the hardest week I've had sense I got home.
GT: Anything in particular?
JC: It's just a culmination of a lot of things. You know, I live so far away from my church and friends. Sure, living at home is fine (no rent). I miss it more and more each day. I've actually reached a pretty cool point, though.
GT: Yeah? How did this come about?
JC: God has perfect timing. Nothing surprises Him, and I take comfort in that. I heard a sermon and a couple of other messages that really spoke truth into my heart. I also talked with a great friend about my struggles. This period, this season will end one day. I'm not sure exactly what this season means, but I know God is above it all. He can see everything clearly. I trust Him.
GT: Is there anything that God was working on in you that has become clearer?
JC: I'm glad you asked that. In fact, there is one thing. Worship. It's more than beautiful music that has an undeniable pull on my soul; it's a lifestyle. Do you let a praise and worship be the only time you worship the Lord? Is it just red-hot, feel-good, self-serving emotion for half an hour or is it a blazing passion in all you do to give all you have back to the Lord who has given us everything?
GT: That's a good word. Do you have last words?
JC: Yeah. Take my advice. Seek the Lord first. Don't make Him a last resort. It will save a lot of heartache. He knows what's best for you, and everything works for His glory... which astoundingly is for your (my) good.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6
1 comment:
It's amazing (from my vantage point) to see God melting and molding you into such a beautiful piece of art.
The one thing I would say to you is this - if you have any inkling that you have a calling from God to do something - if there is somewhere else you would rather be, something else you would rather be doing, because you feel a deeper connection to God, pray over it for a week, consult with at least 10-12 other people about it throughout that week and ask them what they think, and if the signs continue to point in that direction, follow it. If you don't follow it, God will ask someone else to follow it, and you will have missed out on one of life's greatest moments; fulfilling your God-given purpose.
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