...?

Today, I feel like I failed.

We were supposed to do some local servant evangelism. That's the easiest form of evangelism. There's something you're doing for people, so you have an automatic ice-breaker. Right? Not today. Not for me.

I suddenly felt under severe attack from the Enemy when we got home. I'm struggling all of a sudden with my sense of purpose. Why? Well, we were given some money to go out into Westbank and Kelowna to do random acts of kindness. It's one of my favorite things to do. Well, we were given ideas, and sent on our way. We had some lunch at A&W (which was gross and way overpriced). Then, we literally drove around Weskbank twice trying to figure out what to do. I was begging God to impress upon me something to do. We were thinking we could stand by the shopping cart stand to hand out Loonies ($1 coins) because at most Canadian shopping places, to get a cart, you have to insert a Loonie (you get it back when you take the cart back). Well, there were no people really shopping at lunch time. So, after more driving around, we decided to head into Kelowna to The Great Canadian Superstore (similar to Sam's). On the way there, I felt a pull to go to City Park. I missed the turn, of course, and almost hit someone... of course, again. I felt a little flustered as I pulled into the parking space. I paid for parking, and we started walking in the park. I was hoping for something. I prayed for something. I ended up praying over a playground and begging God again for some guidance.

I didn't feel anything. If I was alone, I would have sat in the beach and prayed more. As we made our way back to the van, I was preparing to head further into Kelowna to the Superstore. Well, I turned onto the main road. I thought I turned the wrong way, so I turned around to find myself back on the bridge headed to Westbank. I was discouraged because the point I turned around didn't lend itself to another turn around. Plus, I didn't want to annoy my passenger with my newly developed insane driving skills. I tried to discern whether or not to give up and head home or head back into Westbank. As the turn for our apartment came, I went straight into town. I decided to go to the grocery store and resolved to hand out loonies for a little while.

We got out, and after a very short while, we realized that people did not want our loonies. I was really frustrated by then, and I decided to drive thru Timmy's (Tim Horton's), get a coffee, and pay for the person behind me. As we were pulling in, we figured it would be our luck that no one would pull in behind us. Thankfully, someone did. It was a van with a nice looking family in it. I just knew that I'd help them by paying for their family dinner. Yeah. Wrong again. They ordered one coffee. $1.53. I still paid for it. The lady who took the money seemed impressed and told the person helping her. "Would you look at that," she said as I drove off. I almost hit someone else in the parking lot, by the way. I'm not used to driving such a big vehicle.

Feeling thoroughly defeated, we headed home. Here I am now. Wrestling with myself and my Enemy. I know what he's doing, and he's doing a great job at it. He sucker punched me in exactly the right spot.

Please... I don't know... pray for me.

--JC